I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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