what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
