That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
