Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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