don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
