i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
