Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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