Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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