I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
