You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
