in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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