he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
