Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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