they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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