So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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