and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
