Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
