My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
