dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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