Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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