Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
