i just google imaged poop.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
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This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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