New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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