I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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