AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
