Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
