White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
