I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
