Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
