You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
