he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
