It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
