Yo dont text me then not text me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
