There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
