It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
