Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
