the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
