i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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