just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
