May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
