just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
