Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
