Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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