Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
