I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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