I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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