She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
