a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found puke in my bra..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
