when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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