That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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