I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
