Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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