Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
