So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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