My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize